That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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