The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
