..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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