I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
