I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
