yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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