Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
