woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The power of my boobs compel you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
