ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
