There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
