tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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