Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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