Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So vagazzling was a success
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
