I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
