i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize