I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
