She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
