So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
