Can Purell be used as lube?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
