Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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