My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
