I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
