I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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