so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
