I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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