perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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