ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can be that talented

  Fav 35 6699 831

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.

  Fav 10 4341 1345

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (561): View more from Florida

  I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in

  Fav 12 5216 1695

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

  Fav 31 6226 1727

  share tweet
  

• (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

  Fav 10 3773 1702

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

  Fav 12 1442 3086

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently

  Fav 6 1955 923

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,

  Fav 5 1351 1107

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.

  Fav 9 2055 1093

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later

  Fav 3 1473 581

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.

  Fav 7 1525 876

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?

  Fav 4 673 245

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress

  (443): View more from Maryland

  This is what my life has come to

  Fav 0 133 245

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?

  Fav 0 49 33

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.

  Fav 0 90 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize