weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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