If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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