Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
is wine microwaveable?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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