I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
