Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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