You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
