You just made me feel so damn special
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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