At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
