blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
