You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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