Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
