Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
