How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
