my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
