this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
