Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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