yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
