The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
