GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
