Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
