it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
