Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
