The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
