the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
