I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
