yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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