wat bout pragnant strippers??
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
