Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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