I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
