thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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