meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hippo gnu deer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize