I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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