He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
