The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
