Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
