There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
