Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
