I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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