so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
