Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
