Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
