So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
